Survey of Healthy Boundaries
The Need to 'Fix'
Compulsive Caretaking
Patterns & Characteristics of Codependency
The Conscientious Personality Type
The "Martyr"
Paths to Improved Communication Skills: Empathetic Listening,
Assertiveness, Setting 'Boundaries'
Living with Difficult People
by Robert Caldwell
"The purpose of observing [personality disordered] patterns is better to understand how to deal creatively and satisfactorily with each other. I am interested in promoting healthy detachment. This means that we recognize what we are dealing with in others, and in ourselves, and that we do not break ourselves upon the rigidity of our or another's patterns."
BPD411's great 'Boundaries: what
they are -- why I need them' page
Types of Personal Boundaries
Excellent page from aplaceofhope.com
A nice little checklist of healthy boundaries
Setting Limits and Responding to Verbal Abuse from Borderlines
Stop Walking on Eggshells author Randi Kreger highlights some excellent techniques from rational-emotive therapy.
Strategies for counteracting BPD emotional
blackmail and silences
Borderline Personality Disorder - Enabling Versus
Helping
Excellent clear description of the non-Borderline/Borderline boundary dynamic by A.J. Mahari, a recovered Borderline woman.
Setting Boundaries
Fabulous article by Kerry Dennis, a woman recovering from a personality disorder -- excellent tips for anyone!
What's Wrong With My Boundaries?
by Dr. Irene, from her most excellent Verbal Abuse web site.
Boundaries for Nice People, Parts I and II
by Cathryn Bond Doyle
Excellent piece!
Boundaries in Relationships
Emotional Boundaries in Relationships
A really deep, well-written article by John Stibbs.
The Metaphysics of Detaching
essay by a man with a Borderline ex-wife
Learning Assertiveness
A NonBorderline's Quest to Understand Borderlines
Another article by AJ Mahari
Communication Skills
A free online series that is absolutely excellent for getting a grasp on intra-family communication problems. Highly recommended!
Boundary Violations in Adult Relationships
What You Can Change and What You Can't
Excerpts from the book by Martin E. P. Seligman
The Difference between Caring and Compulsive Helping
nice brief essay that hits all the points.
The Art of Mirroring
"A Communication Skill To Faciliate A Healthy Sense Of Self For Your Young Child And Much More.."
by Sophia J. Wien-Kim, M.A., Drs.
Tips for Teachers of Children with Attachment Disorders
by Linda Ann Smith
Although this sounds like a stretch, these tips for teachers coping with difficult children in the classroom are excellent strategies for anyone dealing with adults with BPD, too.
Why Listening Is Good for You
by James J. Lynch
Listening and Empathy Training
Using "I" Statements when Communicating
Very helpful tips for expressing your boundaries to a Borderline loved one (or to anyone)!
Setting Personal Boundaries
Great stuff (has a non-partisan spiritual slant) from Robert Burney.
The 10 Laws of Boundaries
An excerpt from the book Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend and Henry Cloud
The Case for Traumatic
Bonding
Excellent selections by Dr. Patrick Carnes. Adapted from his best-selling book, The Betrayal Bond.
see also: Understanding Trauma Bonds : Signs That Trauma Bonds Exist In Your Life
Checklist of 'trauma bond' behaviors/feelings, by Dr. Patrick Carnes.
Boundaries
by Patience Mason, whose husband suffers from Vietnam-war-incurred PTSD.
Boundaries: An Online Course
If you've got $30, you can join an online course prepared by Pia Melody via the Institute for Trauma and Addictive Disorders
Boundary Power: How I Treat You,
How I Let You Treat Me, How I Treat Myself
An excellent workbook by Mike S. O'Neil, Charles E., Jr. Newbold
Boundaries and Relationships : Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self
by Charles L. Whitfield, John Amodeo
Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualized Person: and How to Get There!
What Are the Games We Play with
Other People?
From mentalhelp.com's excellent online book on the role of personalities in our lives
Symbiosis and Attachment
Hunger
Key ideas from transactional analysis by Tony White, 1997
Drama queens, saviours,
rescuers, feigners: Attention-seeking personality
disorders, Insecurity and Centre of Attention
Behaviour
From the fabulous British Bully Online site
Dealing with Manipulative People
A very helpful excerpt from the book 'In Sheep's Clothing' by George K. Simon
Challenging Your Self-Concept and
Building Self-Esteem
Excellent tips and thorough advice from an online book by mentalhelp.net, Psychological Self-Help (the entire book is fabulous)
What is Codependence?
CODEPENDENCE
"The term 'codependency' is not officially recognized by the psychiatric or psychological establishment; there is no official DSM-IV definition and criteria list. Instead, Co-Dependency tends to be a loosely defined "condition" which has the following prominent symptoms:
1)difficulty with open direct expression of feelings or discussion of interpersonal problems, and
2)willingness to enable others' dysfunctional behavior (such as alcoholism, drug use or abuse (sexual, violent, emotional, incest, etc.).
Frequently the term is used to describe persons who are actively involved in a relationship with an alcoholic/drug user/abuser, and/or who had alcoholic/drug using/abusive parents or guardians while growing up.
It is considered by some to be a distinct personality disorder [n.b.: but not Dependent Personality Disorder] with the following criteria:
1) Continued investment of one's self-esteem in the ability to control oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.
2) Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of one's own.
3) Anxiety and boundary distortions with respect to intimacy and separation.
4) Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co-dependent, and/or impulse-disordered individuals.
5) Three or more of the following: excessive reliance on denial; constriction of emotions; repression; hypervigilance; compulsions; anxiety; substance abuse; being the victim of past or current physical or sexual abuse; stress-related medical illness; remaining in a primary relationship with an active substance abuser for at least 2 years without seeking help.
It may be said, in summary, Co-Dependency is the condition you have when you feel you have been taken advantage of by your partner (spouse, relationship partner), are beginning to recognize you have played some role in your own victimization, and are looking for a label to identify what is wrong with you."
from: Promise.com Glossary
Letting Go
Understanding the Defense Mechanisms
commonly used by those with BPD (and every other human, actually)
An excellent detailed description of the
ego defense mechanisms and their theoretical origins in
Freud's work (scroll down a bit to get to the relevant
stuff).
Wimps and Warriors
by David Cornfield, Creative Edge
The Four Agreements
Beautiful and useful guide to clearer thinking from Don Miguel Ruiz.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Fear (but were afraid to ask)
Great insights by David Cornfield, Creative Edge
When youčre at the end of your emotional rope: Hang on and Get Curious!
Great insights from Cathryn Bond Doyle
Coping Tips
For partners and families of those touched by mental illness: excellent list of resources!
From Lightship.org
The Other Side of Power
by Claude M. Steiner PhD, 2000
This is a free, full-length online book (based loosely on transactional analysis theory) about how to deal with power games in all human relationships. Recommended, especially Book 3: "Giving up Control", Chapter 15, which offers some concrete tips on detachment techniques.
From the book: "You may find difficulty in accepting that it is a good idea not to respond to power plays with power plays. We are so steeped in the pleasures of control that it is hard to give up the joy of sandbagging and flattening somebody who, obviously, illegitimately and with malice aforethought, is trying to push us around. This book probably would do very well if it was called How to Stop People from Pushing You Around and Make Them Wish They Were Sorry for Trying, but that is not my aim."
Committing a Loved One Can Be the Best Medicine
by Eve Kupersanin
Distress Tolerance
Skills
Really excellent tips by Jody Friesen Grande from the great HopeAllianz web site.
Coping.org
"Tools for coping with a variety of life's stressors"
Stress Management Resources
An excellent collection of really helpful articles.
How to Cope with Stress, Anxiety and Fears
Stress Management Page
Great page, updated often, at About.com
Marsha's Mindfulness
A series of small lessons on the 'mindfulness' concept: very relaxing!
By Marsha Linehan of DBT therapy fame.
View on the site or download as a zip file.
Novo Vitea
Great site with resource on depression, created by a sufferer. Has a message forum and informational pages on various treatment and coping strategies.
Trouble Sleeping?
Some very solid tips!
The Conscientious Personality Type
A very nicely done, thorough exploration of theories of a certain personality type that corresponds to the general qualities of many non-Borderlines.
Codependency Recovery
Site
hosted by Robert Burney
Many articles and links; spiritual emphasis.
Conquering Codependency
Susan Kramer's very nice web site -- spiritual emphasis (yoga etc) -- very calming site!
Codependents Anonymous
"Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships."
Coping With Urges
by Arthur T. Horvath, Ph.D.
Many NonBPs find themselves turning to "self-medication" to handle the stress. Excellent tips on this topic
Online Support Resources on Sexual/Love Addiction
The Five Fundamentals of Dealing with Change
by Joe Flower
How to Keep A Journal
Highly recommended activity for everyone in any kind of relationship with a BP
Focusing Institute
Walks you through therapeutic steps to holistically focus your concerns and stresses
Caregiver Resiliency
by Al Siebert
How to Develop Survivor Resiliency
by Al Siebert
Addiction and Zen
Very nice page on learning to meditate, with great concepts to mull over.
Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress during Holiday Seasons
The 10 Cognitive Distortions
from David Burns' Feeling Good
The Victim's Anger: Burnt
Offerings
A very important essay for NonBPs to read, by Dr. Irene. ~recommended
"Feeling Angry? Make Self-Care Your First
Priority!"
by Cathryn Bond Doyle
Rage, Shame and the Death of Love
by William Cloke, Ph.D.
Really fabulous detailed essay on the origins of shame, empathy, idealization and devaluation, guilt and anger. Excellent for understanding someone with BPD as well as understanding one's own emotional reactions to BPD behaviors.
Healthy vs Unhealthy
Anger
Excellent article by Dr. David Burns
Also: Take Dr. Burns' online ANGER TUTORIAL
Anger in Intimate Relationships
The Shame of Toxic Shame
by John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame that Binds Us
Shame
An excellent article by Judith Pierson
Men, Shame and Anger
By David R. Cook
Get Rid of Anger for a Healthier Life
The medical costs of anger.
Emotional Honesty and Emotional
Responsibility
More great stuff from Robert Burney. Series of online essays.
Pathological and 'Compulsive' Gambling: Information for the Recovering Problem Gambler
by Julian I. Taber, Ph.D.
This is a collection of online papers written specifically for the recovering problem gambler and friends/family. A book is also available.
Controlling Anger Before it Controls You
A NMHA factsheet
The Passive-Aggressive Helping
Hand
Website devoted both to those wishing to learn better coping strategies for dealing with these traits in loved ones, as well as to sufferers -- The reflections of site authors and posters are similar to those of non-Borderlines.
Has a message board and many articles.
Getting Assertive with Passive-Aggressive Behaviors
Tips for dealing with Passive Aggressive Behavior
Has a Christian emphasis, offers some great coping tips.
The Difference Between Depression and Sadness
Excellent checklist, explanations and a free online depression screening test.
Helplessly Overwhelmed
by Monika R. Smith, Ph.D., B.C.E.T.S.
Fabulous article that empowers one to redefine the notion of "helplessness" in the face of terrible stress.
Coming Out of the Mire
by MaryEllen Copeland
Helping the Depressed Person Get Treatment
A great online article/booklet
AWARENESS
by Carol Bailey Floyd
"If I could choose only one quality to give to a person in crisis, I would choose awareness..."
Women & Trauma
Aphrodite Matsakis' Web Site with resources for women
Emotions Anonymous International
12-Step program:
"Our program has been known to work miracles in the lives of many who suffer from problems as diverse as depression, anger, broken or strained relationships, grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, panic, abnormal fears, resentment, jealousy, guilt, despair, fatigue, tension, boredom, loneliness, withdrawal, obsessive and negative thinking, worry, compulsive behavior and a variety of other emotional issues."
12 Things to Do if your Loved One has Depression, Manic-Depression, or Some Other Mood Disorder
Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed
For Friends and Family of People with Depression
at Dr. Goldberg's Depression Central
Have-A-Heart's Depression Resources
"A Rest Stop from Depression and Thoughts of Suicide"
Essays and tips on helping yourself and/or a loved one
About BPD "Fleas"
A Family Affair: Helping Families Cope with Mental Illness: Survival Steps for Families
Great set of tips for partners, parents, siblings, children of the mentally ill.
Understanding Family Systems: In-Depth Exploration
by Dr. Claudia Black
This is an invaluable introduction to Family Systems Theory, which can be extremely helpful to anyone examining the inter-relational patterns in their family of origin or chosen family.
Checklist of Healthier vs
Controlling Families
I'm not OK, when ... You're not.
by Clinton Clark
An online resource guide for adult children of dysfunctional families.
"Four months ago I was returning from an ACA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and was impaled with the idea of having been raised as an object of addiction. This idea was so intense that it pulled together all the bits and pieces of my scattered recovery into a monumental whole. I found myself pouring out ideas and relationships faster than I could write them down."
Excellent: highly recommended!
Coping Tips for Siblings and Adult
Children of Persons with Mental Illness
Excellent, validating article from NAMI.
Sasian: Support and Information for
Sibling Abuse Survivors
Excellent source of information and readings, coping tips, parental recognition and book recommendations for this undersupported group.
How is your child?
Excellent description of red flags that might indicate the need to get your kid into treatment. From Focus on Adolescents, a fabulous resource for parents of troubled kids.
Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do Is Never Enough
Fabulous, inspirational online book by Arlene Harder, M.A., mother of an alcoholic son. Arlene has generously made the entire text available for free online; the book is available elsewhere for $35.
Council for Children with Behavioral Disorders
Support, information, and advocacy. Has message boards for parents.
NotMyKid.org
"Not My Kid, Inc. is dedicated to facilitating improved understanding about youth behavioral health issues including suicide, drug abuse, eating disorders and depression. We are comprised of individuals who believe that parents can influence the quality and outcome of their kids' lives."
Bullying in the family :
Dealing with a serial bully, psychopath or sociopath in the
family
Excellent, detailed and validating article from BullyOnline. (In the UK, apparently, where the diagnostic criteria of the ICD-10 is not as stringent as the DSM-IV in use in the USA, the terms 'psychopath' and 'sociopath' are often used to connote 'personality disordered'.)
Families in Limbo
By Margaret Leggatt, Ph.D
Excellent summary of the problems caregiving families often face.
Parenting Is Not For Wimps!
Excerpts from: "Parenting A Child With Attachment Problems Invites Us To Revisit The Parenting We Received"
Notes on Attachment
by Arthur Becker-Weidman, 2001
Excellent readable essay on recognizing attachment issues in very young children. With an overview of therapeutic options.
Chemical Dependency is a
Family Disease
by Claudia Black, Ph.D.
Accountability: The Cornerstone of Family Relationships
by Duane Smotherman
Codependency and Families with an Eating Disordered Member
Great explanation of the term "co-dependent" in this context.
The Drama Triangle : The Three Faces of
Victim
by Lynne Forest
Great article detailing the Rescuer - Persecutor - Victim roles that according to Transactional Analysis are played by both parties in a dysfunctional relationship.
Is a Happy Teenager a Healthy Teenager?:
Four Levels of Adolescent Anger
by Tony White, 1997
Interesting, clear analysis from the transactional analysis viewpoint.
Parenting
by Lyne Forrest
Reflections by a Jungian/Transactional Analysis counselor.
Taming Back Talk
Great tips for responding to Borderline tantrums ... at any age.
"Tough" Love With Teens: Guidelines parents need to follow in setting limits on the behavior of their adolescent children
Excellent tips & advice
The Impact of Mental Illness on
Families
Excellent online essays and articles by Diane T. Marsh, Ph.D., Susan Pickett-Schenk, Ph.D. and Judith A. Cook, Ph.D.
Order the entire Families and Mental Illness Issue of the Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill
This back issue costs $10. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
Mutual Education, Support
and Advocacy (MESA) for family members of persons with
bipolar disorder or schizophrenia
Excellent materials distributed in a course by MESA, great for family members of persons with BPD, too
Order these cassette tapes from the 2000 NAMI conference :
01NAMI-510: "Creating a Therapeutic Family Environment for People with Borderline Personality Disorder" -Edie Mannion, M.F.T; Valerie Porr, M.A.
01NAMI-320 : " 'I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help'-Helping Persons with Mental Illness Accept Treatment" -Xavier Amador, Ph.D.; Anna-Lisa Johanson
Focus
Adolescents
"Helping your Teen and Healing Your Family" -- good resources!
Parents As Partners in the Treatment of Dissociative Children
by Frances S. Waters, M.S.W.
ARREST MY KID: arrest may be only means for parents to get proper mental health care for their children
by Anne-Marie Cusac, July 2001
Great analysis of the conundrums of medical insurance & managed health care in the USA.
Families Anonymous
Siblings: Forgotten
Family Members
Excellent online article by Diane T. Marsh, Ph.D.
Order the entireSiblings Issue of the
Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally
Ill
This back issue costs $7. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
SIBLING ABUSE and REUNIFICATION
Very nice, validating essay from a Canadian abuse survivor site, Breaking the Silence.
Growing Up with Mentally Ill Siblings
Interview with Clea Simon, author of Mad House: Growing up in the Company of Mentally Ill Siblings
When Jack Fell Down and Jill Came Tumbling After: Siblings In the Web of Illness and Disability
by Joan Fleitas, Ed.D., R.N.
A great essay for younger families/siblings. Not specific to BPD or mental illness, but the tips are solid.
The Winds of the Hurricane: Siblings in the Storm of Illness
by Joan Fleitas, Ed.D., R.N.
Another great article that addresses some of the emotional issues that siblings are bound to face in this situation.
Get Your Angries Out
A family webpage with lots of reading by Lynne Namka
Keep scrolling down and you'll come to her long list of essays for famiies, parents and children
Managing Your Own Anger: What to do When You Want to Have a Tantrum
by Macall Gordon & Tricia Jalbert (Reprinted from the API News, June 2000)
When the Parenting Gets Tough: A
Little Self-Care Goes A Long Way
by Karen Walant, Ph.D.
Is Your Kid as Challenging as Mine?
Problems of Mental Illness and Addiction
by Peter Bloch. Essay on raising a Borderline son.
Peter is a big supporter of Tough Love International and offers tips and links for successful parenting of BPs.
Read about books he rates and evaluates at his online Recovery Bookstore
Al-Anon Organization
Many folks with family members suffering from BPD have found the philosophy and support of this international group very helpful.
Dealing with Oppositional
Behavior in Children
Excellent essay with real-life tips
When a Child has a Tantrum
by Jan Hunt
Home Schoolers and Mental Illness
Fabulous new online support group!
"Homeschoolers and Mental Illness is a new, fully inclusive online support community for those who hs and must also deal with the unique issues surrounding mental illness or biochemical brain disorders -- their own, their children's, or their spouses's.
There are lots of support groups out there for hs'ers of all stripes and needs, but come visit with us for something new.
We know what it's like to struggle with erratic energy and/ or focus in ourselves. To hassle with the stigma that if we simply took better care of ourselves, we'd be just fine. We know how hard it is to offer daily support to our children and to our spouses who suffer from these potentially devastating illnesses and who (in the case of our children) have not been well served, in many cases, by the ps system, or who (in the case of our spouses) can't always be the fully supportive people they'd like to be because they struggle so with their own issues. We know what it's like to do this vital work that we do, day in and day out, with little or no significant, specific support from even other hs'ers in our communities, because they just don't understand. Come share your joys and your sorrows. Let us celebrate your victories, and comfort you in your defeats. Tell us what has worked for you and what has not. There is, at last, a place to come where you can let down your guard and share it all, without fear of judgement, or pity, or worse." Registration with Yahoo! Groups required. Moderated.
Wish upon a Star : A Story for Children With a Parent Who Is Mentally Ill
by Pamela L. Laskin, et al
An illustrated children's book
ModOasis Support Group for Adult Children of BPs
I include this link because I think it's VITAL that anyone co-parenting with an untreated Borderline spouse take a good hard look at the effects this might have on the children.
Attachment Parenting International
Has a host of resources and articles; of particular interest to families with an adoptive child with symptoms of BPD
Reactive Attachment
Disorder: Parents' Support Site
I include this link because some children under 18 exhibit very similar symptomology to BPD, and this similar condition is often diagnosed as RAD. BPD itself is generally viewed as an "attachment disorder." Regardless of the diagnosis, this site is fabulous and has support forums for parents/step-parents and informational articles, as well as other links.
About BPD "Fleas"
The Shack
This premiere Australian BPD site has an excellent overview of all issues pertaining to being in a partnership with someone with BPD.
The Usefulness of
Separating from a Partner in Denial
A helpful collection of postings from partners from the BPSO Bipolar Significant Others' Support Group BPSO.org. Their issues are extremely similar to the issues faced by SOs of those with BPD, if not often the same.
Should I Stay or Go : How Controlled
Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage
by Lee Raffel, Jean Houston
The Drama Triangle : The Three Faces of
Victim
by Lynne Forest
Great article detailing the Rescuer - Persecutor - Victim roles that according to Transactional Analysis are played by both parties in a dysfunctional relationship.
In-Depth Exploration of Healthy
Sexuality and Spirituality
by Dr. Patrick Carnes
Excellent article!
Tips on Recovery in a
Relationship with a Narcissist
Relationships With
Abusive Narcissists
Online conference transcript.
Passionate Best Friends
from the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy
Excellent Introduction to Imago Theory
Harville Hendrix' relationship theory that holds the premise that as adults, we all seek partners who 'reflect' our childhood caretaking experiences in both positive and negative ways.
Transactional Analysis Online Tutorial
Excellent place to learn about relationship dynamics and focus on changing them, from a TA perspective many Nons find very helpful
Commitment: In Sickness and in Health and We All Make Accommodations
Online essays by Penny Frese, Ph.D. and Kathleen A. Bayes. Not BPD-specific, but there may be some valuable nuggets in there. Order the entire Spouses Issue of the Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill
This back issue costs $10. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
Detachment: How did we get here? How do we get out?
by Dalene Entenmann
Great essay!
Surviving a Survivor (how to help without feeling helpless: or going crazy)
Personality Characteristics of Men who are Survivors of Sexual Abuse
by Ken Singer, LCSW
RecoveringCouples.org support groups
Geared for couples working to overcome addictive behaviors and restore their relationships
Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualized
Person: and How to Get There!
Sexual Anorexia
by Dr. Patrick Carnes, author of the book Sexual Anorexia
Myths about Male Sexual Abuse
Sex Safety Tips for
Multiples & Survivors & SO's : people-based
therapy… Imago Theory for Gay & Lesbian
Relationships
by Joe Kort
Addicted To The Addicted
by Dalene Entenmann. Another great essay
Love and Sex Addiction:
The Problem and The Recovery
by Robert Weiss LCSW, CAS
Understanding Ourselves and Our Relationships
A nice compilation of some of the major theories of personality, from an excellent complete online book.
An Articulate Critique of the Codependency Theory by Robert Westermeyer, PhD
Nineveh Support Forum
"Nineveh is a support group for targets of workplace bullying and/or mobbing and those in toxic work environments. Its purpose is to validate the target and offer practical suggestions and guidance in the fight against work abuse. Nineveh is a US based group, but all are welcome on this forum."
~highly active support group!
Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job
by Neil Lavender, PhD & Alan Cavaiola, PhD, 2000
The first book to specifically address the issues of coping with coworkers with personality disorders on the job. The Stop Walking on Eggshells for co-workers of Borderlines. ~recommended!
Coping with Insensitive and Intimidating People at Work
by Tom Horn, author of Tounge Fu!
Dealing with Manipulative People
A very helpful excerpt from the book In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon
Workplace Violence
Great article from the criminologist's viewpoint.
Road rage, air rage and now 'desk rage'
by Jennifer Daw
The Bully At Work : What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity On the Job
by Gary Namie, PhD and Ruth Namie, PhD
~ Recommended!
Workplace Violence: Its Nature and Extent
from an online teaching manual, the National Victim Assistance Academy, from the US Department of Justice, 1998
Remedies for Workplace Violence
Bully Busters
"For People Whose Health & Careers are Injured by Psychological Violence at Work"
Has informative online articles for those wanting support and coping tips.
Analysis: Narcissism in the boardroom
by Sam Vaknin, 2002
WORK ABUSE: THE MISSING LINK TO CHILD ABUSE
Provocative article by Judith Wyatt and Chauncey Hare, from a systems perspective.
The Impact of Narcissism on Leadership and Sustainability
Bruce Gregory, Ph.D., 1999
Great detail and examples of achieving stabilty in the workplace/organization when a leader has NPD or traits thereof.
Work Abuse: How to Recognize and Survive It
by Judith Wyatt and Chauncey Hare, 1997
From the review: "This is a comprehensive guide to surviving harassment, scapegoating, humiliation and undermining. It is by far the most helpful manual that I've come across."
Bully In Sight: How to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying. Overcoming the silence and denial by which abuse thrives
by Tim Field
And this is the British Stop Walking On Eggshells for co-workers of BPs.
Bully Online
A fabulous online resource for those experiencing harrassment or bullying in the workplace. UK-based, but extremely useful for everyone.
Passive-Aggressive Colleagues
Great essay by Odette Pollar, 2001.
Offers wise coping tips.
Learning to Manage Passive-Aggressive Bosses
by Jennifer Howze
Role of the Workplace in Empowering Survivors of Family Violence
by Sandra DeVink-LeBlanc
Workplace Violence and Trauma: A 21st Century Rehabilitation Issue
by Jeanmarie Kelm
Making Woman Abuse a Workplace Issue
by Joan Gillespie and Donna Denham
Making Advances : What you can do about sexual harassment at work
by Liz Curtis
You Don't Have to Take It! : A Woman's Guide to Confronting Emotional Abuse at Work
by Ginny Nicarthy, Naomi Gottlieb, Sandra Coffman
Childhood Sexual Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Sexual Compulsivity Addiction: Is it a Factor In Sexual Harassment Cases?
by Lawrence Solotoff, Esq., 1998
Excellent article on the legal pathways to identifying those suffering from BPD in workplace sexual harassment cases. (.pdf file: requires Adobe Acrobat or similar application to read)
Labor and Employment Update: Myths and Realities: The EEOC Guidance on the Americans with Disabilities Act and Psychiatric Disabilities. . . One Year Later
Pepper Hamilton LLP, 1998-1999
Sexual Allegations in the '90s: Tools You Can Use
Video or audiotape by Dean Tong that "arms the CEO/parent with Dos and Don'ts in the workplace/home."
Vocational Impact of Psychiatric Disorders
Very interesting full-text book chapter by by Gary L. Fischler, Ph.D. and Nan Booth, ACSW.
Rates workplace skills of various Cluster B disorders, with tips and strategies for employers of Borderlines.
Dangerous directives? Liability and the unstable worker
by Michael T. Zugelder, 1999
"How can an employer comply with the EEOC's psychiatric guidelines in an era of workplace violence and negligent hiring litigation? These hiring strategies and practices offer a way." Great article.
Domestic Violence Policy Checklists for the Workplace: A Guide for Employers
by Stephen T. Moskey, Ph.D.
"This new publication helps businesses understand the impact of domestic violence on their employees and to develop or adapt programs and policies to meet the needs of those in the workforce who are abused and victimized by intimate partners."
Battling Employee Sabotage in the Wired Workplace
by Thomas Harvey
by Robert Caldwell
"The purpose of observing [personality disordered] patterns is better to understand how to deal creatively and satisfactorily with each other. I am interested in promoting healthy detachment. This means that we recognize what we are dealing with in others, and in ourselves, and that we do not break ourselves upon the rigidity of our or another's patterns."
BPD411's great 'Boundaries: what
they are -- why I need them' pageTypes of Personal Boundaries
Excellent page from aplaceofhope.com
A nice little checklist of healthy boundaries
Setting Limits and Responding to Verbal Abuse from BorderlinesStop Walking on Eggshells author Randi Kreger highlights some excellent techniques from rational-emotive therapy.
Strategies for counteracting BPD emotional
blackmail and silencesBorderline Personality Disorder - Enabling Versus
HelpingExcellent clear description of the non-Borderline/Borderline boundary dynamic by A.J. Mahari, a recovered Borderline woman.
Setting Boundaries
Fabulous article by Kerry Dennis, a woman recovering from a personality disorder -- excellent tips for anyone!
What's Wrong With My Boundaries?
by Dr. Irene, from her most excellent Verbal Abuse web site.
Boundaries for Nice People, Parts I and II
by Cathryn Bond Doyle
Excellent piece!
Boundaries in Relationships
Emotional Boundaries in RelationshipsA really deep, well-written article by John Stibbs.
The Metaphysics of Detachingessay by a man with a Borderline ex-wife
Learning Assertiveness
A NonBorderline's Quest to Understand Borderlines
Another article by AJ Mahari
Communication SkillsA free online series that is absolutely excellent for getting a grasp on intra-family communication problems. Highly recommended!
Boundary Violations in Adult Relationships
What You Can Change and What You Can't
Excerpts from the book by Martin E. P. Seligman
The Difference between Caring and Compulsive Helping
nice brief essay that hits all the points.
The Art of Mirroring
"A Communication Skill To Faciliate A Healthy Sense Of Self For Your Young Child And Much More.."
by Sophia J. Wien-Kim, M.A., Drs.
Tips for Teachers of Children with Attachment Disorders
by Linda Ann Smith
Although this sounds like a stretch, these tips for teachers coping with difficult children in the classroom are excellent strategies for anyone dealing with adults with BPD, too.
Why Listening Is Good for You
by James J. Lynch
Listening and Empathy Training
Using "I" Statements when Communicating
Very helpful tips for expressing your boundaries to a Borderline loved one (or to anyone)!
Setting Personal BoundariesGreat stuff (has a non-partisan spiritual slant) from Robert Burney.
The 10 Laws of Boundaries
An excerpt from the book Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend and Henry Cloud
The Case for Traumatic
BondingExcellent selections by Dr. Patrick Carnes. Adapted from his best-selling book, The Betrayal Bond.
see also: Understanding Trauma Bonds : Signs That Trauma Bonds Exist In Your Life
Checklist of 'trauma bond' behaviors/feelings, by Dr. Patrick Carnes.
Boundariesby Patience Mason, whose husband suffers from Vietnam-war-incurred PTSD.
Boundaries: An Online Course
If you've got $30, you can join an online course prepared by Pia Melody via the Institute for Trauma and Addictive Disorders
Boundary Power: How I Treat You,
How I Let You Treat Me, How I Treat MyselfAn excellent workbook by Mike S. O'Neil, Charles E., Jr. Newbold
Boundaries and Relationships : Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self
by Charles L. Whitfield, John Amodeo
Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualized Person: and How to Get There!
What Are the Games We Play with
Other People?From mentalhelp.com's excellent online book on the role of personalities in our lives
Symbiosis and Attachment
HungerKey ideas from transactional analysis by Tony White, 1997
Drama queens, saviours,
rescuers, feigners: Attention-seeking personality
disorders, Insecurity and Centre of Attention
BehaviourFrom the fabulous British Bully Online site
Dealing with Manipulative People
A very helpful excerpt from the book 'In Sheep's Clothing' by George K. Simon
Challenging Your Self-Concept and
Building Self-EsteemExcellent tips and thorough advice from an online book by mentalhelp.net, Psychological Self-Help (the entire book is fabulous)
What is Codependence?
CODEPENDENCE
"The term 'codependency' is not officially recognized by the psychiatric or psychological establishment; there is no official DSM-IV definition and criteria list. Instead, Co-Dependency tends to be a loosely defined "condition" which has the following prominent symptoms:
1)difficulty with open direct expression of feelings or discussion of interpersonal problems, and
2)willingness to enable others' dysfunctional behavior (such as alcoholism, drug use or abuse (sexual, violent, emotional, incest, etc.).
Frequently the term is used to describe persons who are actively involved in a relationship with an alcoholic/drug user/abuser, and/or who had alcoholic/drug using/abusive parents or guardians while growing up.
It is considered by some to be a distinct personality disorder [n.b.: but not Dependent Personality Disorder] with the following criteria:
1) Continued investment of one's self-esteem in the ability to control oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.
2) Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of one's own.
3) Anxiety and boundary distortions with respect to intimacy and separation.
4) Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co-dependent, and/or impulse-disordered individuals.
5) Three or more of the following: excessive reliance on denial; constriction of emotions; repression; hypervigilance; compulsions; anxiety; substance abuse; being the victim of past or current physical or sexual abuse; stress-related medical illness; remaining in a primary relationship with an active substance abuser for at least 2 years without seeking help.
It may be said, in summary, Co-Dependency is the condition you have when you feel you have been taken advantage of by your partner (spouse, relationship partner), are beginning to recognize you have played some role in your own victimization, and are looking for a label to identify what is wrong with you."
from: Promise.com Glossary
Dealing with your OWN Stress
(Make sure to also check out a number of the excellent Recommended BPD Books for Everyone!)
Letting GoUnderstanding the Defense Mechanisms
commonly used by those with BPD (and every other human, actually)An excellent detailed description of the
ego defense mechanisms and their theoretical origins in
Freud's work (scroll down a bit to get to the relevant
stuff).Wimps and Warriorsby David Cornfield, Creative Edge
The Four AgreementsBeautiful and useful guide to clearer thinking from Don Miguel Ruiz.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Fear (but were afraid to ask)Great insights by David Cornfield, Creative Edge
When youčre at the end of your emotional rope: Hang on and Get Curious!Great insights from Cathryn Bond Doyle
Coping TipsFor partners and families of those touched by mental illness: excellent list of resources!
From Lightship.org
The Other Side of Powerby Claude M. Steiner PhD, 2000
This is a free, full-length online book (based loosely on transactional analysis theory) about how to deal with power games in all human relationships. Recommended, especially Book 3: "Giving up Control", Chapter 15, which offers some concrete tips on detachment techniques.
From the book: "You may find difficulty in accepting that it is a good idea not to respond to power plays with power plays. We are so steeped in the pleasures of control that it is hard to give up the joy of sandbagging and flattening somebody who, obviously, illegitimately and with malice aforethought, is trying to push us around. This book probably would do very well if it was called How to Stop People from Pushing You Around and Make Them Wish They Were Sorry for Trying, but that is not my aim."
Committing a Loved One Can Be the Best Medicineby Eve Kupersanin
Distress Tolerance
SkillsReally excellent tips by Jody Friesen Grande from the great HopeAllianz web site.
Coping.org"Tools for coping with a variety of life's stressors"
Stress Management Resources
An excellent collection of really helpful articles.
How to Cope with Stress, Anxiety and Fears
Stress Management Page
Great page, updated often, at About.com
Marsha's Mindfulness
A series of small lessons on the 'mindfulness' concept: very relaxing!
By Marsha Linehan of DBT therapy fame.
View on the site or download as a zip file.
Novo Vitea
Great site with resource on depression, created by a sufferer. Has a message forum and informational pages on various treatment and coping strategies.
Trouble Sleeping?
Some very solid tips!
The Conscientious Personality Type
A very nicely done, thorough exploration of theories of a certain personality type that corresponds to the general qualities of many non-Borderlines.
Codependency Recovery
Sitehosted by Robert Burney
Many articles and links; spiritual emphasis.
Conquering Codependency
Susan Kramer's very nice web site -- spiritual emphasis (yoga etc) -- very calming site!
Codependents Anonymous
"Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships."
Coping With Urgesby Arthur T. Horvath, Ph.D.
Many NonBPs find themselves turning to "self-medication" to handle the stress. Excellent tips on this topic
Online Support Resources on Sexual/Love Addiction
The Five Fundamentals of Dealing with Change
by Joe Flower
How to Keep A Journal
Highly recommended activity for everyone in any kind of relationship with a BP
Focusing Institute
Walks you through therapeutic steps to holistically focus your concerns and stresses
Caregiver Resiliency
by Al Siebert
How to Develop Survivor Resiliency
by Al Siebert
Addiction and Zen
Very nice page on learning to meditate, with great concepts to mull over.
Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress during Holiday Seasons
Dealing with your OWN Anger/Shame
The 10 Cognitive Distortions
from David Burns' Feeling Good
The Victim's Anger: Burnt
OfferingsA very important essay for NonBPs to read, by Dr. Irene. ~recommended
"Feeling Angry? Make Self-Care Your First
Priority!"by Cathryn Bond Doyle
Rage, Shame and the Death of Loveby William Cloke, Ph.D.
Really fabulous detailed essay on the origins of shame, empathy, idealization and devaluation, guilt and anger. Excellent for understanding someone with BPD as well as understanding one's own emotional reactions to BPD behaviors.
Healthy vs Unhealthy
AngerExcellent article by Dr. David Burns
Also: Take Dr. Burns' online ANGER TUTORIAL
Anger in Intimate Relationships
The Shame of Toxic Shame
by John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame that Binds Us
ShameAn excellent article by Judith Pierson
Men, Shame and Anger
By David R. Cook
Get Rid of Anger for a Healthier Life
The medical costs of anger.
Emotional Honesty and Emotional
ResponsibilityMore great stuff from Robert Burney. Series of online essays.
Pathological and 'Compulsive' Gambling: Information for the Recovering Problem Gambler
by Julian I. Taber, Ph.D.
This is a collection of online papers written specifically for the recovering problem gambler and friends/family. A book is also available.
Controlling Anger Before it Controls You
A NMHA factsheet
The Passive-Aggressive Helping
HandWebsite devoted both to those wishing to learn better coping strategies for dealing with these traits in loved ones, as well as to sufferers -- The reflections of site authors and posters are similar to those of non-Borderlines.
Has a message board and many articles.
Getting Assertive with Passive-Aggressive Behaviors
Tips for dealing with Passive Aggressive Behavior
Has a Christian emphasis, offers some great coping tips.
Dealing with your OWN Depression
The Difference Between Depression and Sadness
Excellent checklist, explanations and a free online depression screening test.
Helplessly Overwhelmed
by Monika R. Smith, Ph.D., B.C.E.T.S.
Fabulous article that empowers one to redefine the notion of "helplessness" in the face of terrible stress.
Coming Out of the Mire
by MaryEllen Copeland
Helping the Depressed Person Get Treatment
A great online article/booklet
AWARENESS
by Carol Bailey Floyd
"If I could choose only one quality to give to a person in crisis, I would choose awareness..."
Women & Trauma
Aphrodite Matsakis' Web Site with resources for women
Emotions Anonymous International
12-Step program:
"Our program has been known to work miracles in the lives of many who suffer from problems as diverse as depression, anger, broken or strained relationships, grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, panic, abnormal fears, resentment, jealousy, guilt, despair, fatigue, tension, boredom, loneliness, withdrawal, obsessive and negative thinking, worry, compulsive behavior and a variety of other emotional issues."
12 Things to Do if your Loved One has Depression, Manic-Depression, or Some Other Mood Disorder
Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed
For Friends and Family of People with Depression
at Dr. Goldberg's Depression Central
Have-A-Heart's Depression Resources
"A Rest Stop from Depression and Thoughts of Suicide"
Essays and tips on helping yourself and/or a loved one
Family Dynamics
About BPD "Fleas"
A Family Affair: Helping Families Cope with Mental Illness: Survival Steps for Families
Great set of tips for partners, parents, siblings, children of the mentally ill.
Understanding Family Systems: In-Depth Explorationby Dr. Claudia Black
This is an invaluable introduction to Family Systems Theory, which can be extremely helpful to anyone examining the inter-relational patterns in their family of origin or chosen family.
Checklist of Healthier vs
Controlling FamiliesI'm not OK, when ... You're not.by Clinton Clark
An online resource guide for adult children of dysfunctional families.
"Four months ago I was returning from an ACA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and was impaled with the idea of having been raised as an object of addiction. This idea was so intense that it pulled together all the bits and pieces of my scattered recovery into a monumental whole. I found myself pouring out ideas and relationships faster than I could write them down."
Excellent: highly recommended!
Coping Tips for Siblings and Adult
Children of Persons with Mental IllnessExcellent, validating article from NAMI.
Sasian: Support and Information for
Sibling Abuse SurvivorsExcellent source of information and readings, coping tips, parental recognition and book recommendations for this undersupported group.
How is your child?
Excellent description of red flags that might indicate the need to get your kid into treatment. From Focus on Adolescents, a fabulous resource for parents of troubled kids.
Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do Is Never EnoughFabulous, inspirational online book by Arlene Harder, M.A., mother of an alcoholic son. Arlene has generously made the entire text available for free online; the book is available elsewhere for $35.
Council for Children with Behavioral Disorders
Support, information, and advocacy. Has message boards for parents.
NotMyKid.org
"Not My Kid, Inc. is dedicated to facilitating improved understanding about youth behavioral health issues including suicide, drug abuse, eating disorders and depression. We are comprised of individuals who believe that parents can influence the quality and outcome of their kids' lives."
Bullying in the family :
Dealing with a serial bully, psychopath or sociopath in the
familyExcellent, detailed and validating article from BullyOnline. (In the UK, apparently, where the diagnostic criteria of the ICD-10 is not as stringent as the DSM-IV in use in the USA, the terms 'psychopath' and 'sociopath' are often used to connote 'personality disordered'.)
Families in Limbo
By Margaret Leggatt, Ph.D
Excellent summary of the problems caregiving families often face.
Parenting Is Not For Wimps!
Excerpts from: "Parenting A Child With Attachment Problems Invites Us To Revisit The Parenting We Received"
Notes on Attachment
by Arthur Becker-Weidman, 2001
Excellent readable essay on recognizing attachment issues in very young children. With an overview of therapeutic options.
Chemical Dependency is a
Family Diseaseby Claudia Black, Ph.D.
Accountability: The Cornerstone of Family Relationships
by Duane Smotherman
Codependency and Families with an Eating Disordered Member
Great explanation of the term "co-dependent" in this context.
The Drama Triangle : The Three Faces of
Victimby Lynne Forest
Great article detailing the Rescuer - Persecutor - Victim roles that according to Transactional Analysis are played by both parties in a dysfunctional relationship.
Is a Happy Teenager a Healthy Teenager?:
Four Levels of Adolescent Angerby Tony White, 1997
Interesting, clear analysis from the transactional analysis viewpoint.
Parenting
by Lyne Forrest
Reflections by a Jungian/Transactional Analysis counselor.
Taming Back Talk
Great tips for responding to Borderline tantrums ... at any age.
"Tough" Love With Teens: Guidelines parents need to follow in setting limits on the behavior of their adolescent children
Excellent tips & advice
The Impact of Mental Illness on
FamiliesExcellent online essays and articles by Diane T. Marsh, Ph.D., Susan Pickett-Schenk, Ph.D. and Judith A. Cook, Ph.D.
Order the entire Families and Mental Illness Issue of the Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill
This back issue costs $10. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
Mutual Education, Support
and Advocacy (MESA) for family members of persons with
bipolar disorder or schizophreniaExcellent materials distributed in a course by MESA, great for family members of persons with BPD, too
Order these cassette tapes from the 2000 NAMI conference :
01NAMI-510: "Creating a Therapeutic Family Environment for People with Borderline Personality Disorder" -Edie Mannion, M.F.T; Valerie Porr, M.A.
01NAMI-320 : " 'I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help'-Helping Persons with Mental Illness Accept Treatment" -Xavier Amador, Ph.D.; Anna-Lisa Johanson
Focus
Adolescents"Helping your Teen and Healing Your Family" -- good resources!
Parents As Partners in the Treatment of Dissociative Children
by Frances S. Waters, M.S.W.
ARREST MY KID: arrest may be only means for parents to get proper mental health care for their children
by Anne-Marie Cusac, July 2001
Great analysis of the conundrums of medical insurance & managed health care in the USA.
Families Anonymous
Siblings: Forgotten
Family MembersExcellent online article by Diane T. Marsh, Ph.D.
Order the entire
Siblings Issue of the
Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally
IllThis back issue costs $7. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
SIBLING ABUSE and REUNIFICATION
Very nice, validating essay from a Canadian abuse survivor site, Breaking the Silence.
Growing Up with Mentally Ill Siblings
Interview with Clea Simon, author of Mad House: Growing up in the Company of Mentally Ill Siblings
When Jack Fell Down and Jill Came Tumbling After: Siblings In the Web of Illness and Disability
by Joan Fleitas, Ed.D., R.N.
A great essay for younger families/siblings. Not specific to BPD or mental illness, but the tips are solid.
The Winds of the Hurricane: Siblings in the Storm of Illness
by Joan Fleitas, Ed.D., R.N.
Another great article that addresses some of the emotional issues that siblings are bound to face in this situation.
Get Your Angries Out
A family webpage with lots of reading by Lynne Namka
Keep scrolling down and you'll come to her long list of essays for famiies, parents and children
Managing Your Own Anger: What to do When You Want to Have a Tantrum
by Macall Gordon & Tricia Jalbert (Reprinted from the API News, June 2000)
When the Parenting Gets Tough: A
Little Self-Care Goes A Long Wayby Karen Walant, Ph.D.
Is Your Kid as Challenging as Mine?
Problems of Mental Illness and Addiction
by Peter Bloch. Essay on raising a Borderline son.
Peter is a big supporter of Tough Love International and offers tips and links for successful parenting of BPs.
Read about books he rates and evaluates at his online Recovery Bookstore
Al-Anon Organization
Many folks with family members suffering from BPD have found the philosophy and support of this international group very helpful.
Dealing with Oppositional
Behavior in ChildrenExcellent essay with real-life tips
When a Child has a Tantrum
by Jan Hunt
Home Schoolers and Mental Illness
Fabulous new online support group!
"Homeschoolers and Mental Illness is a new, fully inclusive online support community for those who hs and must also deal with the unique issues surrounding mental illness or biochemical brain disorders -- their own, their children's, or their spouses's.
There are lots of support groups out there for hs'ers of all stripes and needs, but come visit with us for something new.
We know what it's like to struggle with erratic energy and/ or focus in ourselves. To hassle with the stigma that if we simply took better care of ourselves, we'd be just fine. We know how hard it is to offer daily support to our children and to our spouses who suffer from these potentially devastating illnesses and who (in the case of our children) have not been well served, in many cases, by the ps system, or who (in the case of our spouses) can't always be the fully supportive people they'd like to be because they struggle so with their own issues. We know what it's like to do this vital work that we do, day in and day out, with little or no significant, specific support from even other hs'ers in our communities, because they just don't understand. Come share your joys and your sorrows. Let us celebrate your victories, and comfort you in your defeats. Tell us what has worked for you and what has not. There is, at last, a place to come where you can let down your guard and share it all, without fear of judgement, or pity, or worse." Registration with Yahoo! Groups required. Moderated.
Wish upon a Star : A Story for Children With a Parent Who Is Mentally Ill
by Pamela L. Laskin, et al
An illustrated children's book
ModOasis Support Group for Adult Children of BPs
I include this link because I think it's VITAL that anyone co-parenting with an untreated Borderline spouse take a good hard look at the effects this might have on the children.
Attachment Parenting International
Has a host of resources and articles; of particular interest to families with an adoptive child with symptoms of BPD
Reactive Attachment
Disorder: Parents' Support SiteI include this link because some children under 18 exhibit very similar symptomology to BPD, and this similar condition is often diagnosed as RAD. BPD itself is generally viewed as an "attachment disorder." Regardless of the diagnosis, this site is fabulous and has support forums for parents/step-parents and informational articles, as well as other links.
Romantic Relationship Dynamics
About BPD "Fleas"
The ShackThis premiere Australian BPD site has an excellent overview of all issues pertaining to being in a partnership with someone with BPD.
The Usefulness of
Separating from a Partner in DenialA helpful collection of postings from partners from the BPSO Bipolar Significant Others' Support Group BPSO.org. Their issues are extremely similar to the issues faced by SOs of those with BPD, if not often the same.
Should I Stay or Go : How Controlled
Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriageby Lee Raffel, Jean Houston
The Drama Triangle : The Three Faces of
Victimby Lynne Forest
Great article detailing the Rescuer - Persecutor - Victim roles that according to Transactional Analysis are played by both parties in a dysfunctional relationship.
In-Depth Exploration of Healthy
Sexuality and Spiritualityby Dr. Patrick Carnes
Excellent article!
Tips on Recovery in a
Relationship with a NarcissistRelationships With
Abusive NarcissistsOnline conference transcript.
Passionate Best Friends
from the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy
Excellent Introduction to Imago TheoryHarville Hendrix' relationship theory that holds the premise that as adults, we all seek partners who 'reflect' our childhood caretaking experiences in both positive and negative ways.
Transactional Analysis Online Tutorial
Excellent place to learn about relationship dynamics and focus on changing them, from a TA perspective many Nons find very helpful
Commitment: In Sickness and in Health and We All Make Accommodations
Online essays by Penny Frese, Ph.D. and Kathleen A. Bayes. Not BPD-specific, but there may be some valuable nuggets in there. Order the entire Spouses Issue of the Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill
This back issue costs $10. You can order by mail or online using their secure order form.
This url takes you to the index of articles in the issue. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find the ordering link in tiny print
Detachment: How did we get here? How do we get out?
by Dalene Entenmann
Great essay!
Surviving a Survivor (how to help without feeling helpless: or going crazy)
Personality Characteristics of Men who are Survivors of Sexual Abuse
by Ken Singer, LCSW
RecoveringCouples.org support groups
Geared for couples working to overcome addictive behaviors and restore their relationships
Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualized
Person: and How to Get There!Sexual Anorexiaby Dr. Patrick Carnes, author of the book Sexual Anorexia
Myths about Male Sexual Abuse
Sex Safety Tips for
Multiples & Survivors & SO's : people-based
therapy… Imago Theory for Gay & Lesbian
Relationshipsby Joe Kort
Addicted To The Addicted
by Dalene Entenmann. Another great essay
Love and Sex Addiction:
The Problem and The Recoveryby Robert Weiss LCSW, CAS
Understanding Ourselves and Our Relationships
A nice compilation of some of the major theories of personality, from an excellent complete online book.
An Articulate Critique of the Codependency Theory by Robert Westermeyer, PhD
BPD Dynamics in the Workplace
Nineveh Support Forum
"Nineveh is a support group for targets of workplace bullying and/or mobbing and those in toxic work environments. Its purpose is to validate the target and offer practical suggestions and guidance in the fight against work abuse. Nineveh is a US based group, but all are welcome on this forum."
~highly active support group!
Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job
by Neil Lavender, PhD & Alan Cavaiola, PhD, 2000
The first book to specifically address the issues of coping with coworkers with personality disorders on the job. The Stop Walking on Eggshells for co-workers of Borderlines. ~recommended!
Coping with Insensitive and Intimidating People at Work
by Tom Horn, author of Tounge Fu!
Dealing with Manipulative People
A very helpful excerpt from the book In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon
Workplace Violence
Great article from the criminologist's viewpoint.
Road rage, air rage and now 'desk rage'
by Jennifer Daw
The Bully At Work : What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity On the Job
by Gary Namie, PhD and Ruth Namie, PhD
~ Recommended!
Workplace Violence: Its Nature and Extent
from an online teaching manual, the National Victim Assistance Academy, from the US Department of Justice, 1998
Remedies for Workplace Violence
Bully Busters
"For People Whose Health & Careers are Injured by Psychological Violence at Work"
Has informative online articles for those wanting support and coping tips.
Analysis: Narcissism in the boardroom
by Sam Vaknin, 2002
WORK ABUSE: THE MISSING LINK TO CHILD ABUSE
Provocative article by Judith Wyatt and Chauncey Hare, from a systems perspective.
The Impact of Narcissism on Leadership and Sustainability
Bruce Gregory, Ph.D., 1999
Great detail and examples of achieving stabilty in the workplace/organization when a leader has NPD or traits thereof.
Work Abuse: How to Recognize and Survive It
by Judith Wyatt and Chauncey Hare, 1997
From the review: "This is a comprehensive guide to surviving harassment, scapegoating, humiliation and undermining. It is by far the most helpful manual that I've come across."
Bully In Sight: How to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying. Overcoming the silence and denial by which abuse thrives
by Tim Field
And this is the British Stop Walking On Eggshells for co-workers of BPs.
Bully Online
A fabulous online resource for those experiencing harrassment or bullying in the workplace. UK-based, but extremely useful for everyone.
Passive-Aggressive Colleagues
Great essay by Odette Pollar, 2001.
Offers wise coping tips.
Learning to Manage Passive-Aggressive Bosses
by Jennifer Howze
Role of the Workplace in Empowering Survivors of Family Violence
by Sandra DeVink-LeBlanc
Workplace Violence and Trauma: A 21st Century Rehabilitation Issue
by Jeanmarie Kelm
Making Woman Abuse a Workplace Issue
by Joan Gillespie and Donna Denham
Making Advances : What you can do about sexual harassment at work
by Liz Curtis
You Don't Have to Take It! : A Woman's Guide to Confronting Emotional Abuse at Work
by Ginny Nicarthy, Naomi Gottlieb, Sandra Coffman
Childhood Sexual Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Sexual Compulsivity Addiction: Is it a Factor In Sexual Harassment Cases?
by Lawrence Solotoff, Esq., 1998
Excellent article on the legal pathways to identifying those suffering from BPD in workplace sexual harassment cases. (.pdf file: requires Adobe Acrobat or similar application to read)
Labor and Employment Update: Myths and Realities: The EEOC Guidance on the Americans with Disabilities Act and Psychiatric Disabilities. . . One Year Later
Pepper Hamilton LLP, 1998-1999
Sexual Allegations in the '90s: Tools You Can Use
Video or audiotape by Dean Tong that "arms the CEO/parent with Dos and Don'ts in the workplace/home."
Vocational Impact of Psychiatric Disorders
Very interesting full-text book chapter by by Gary L. Fischler, Ph.D. and Nan Booth, ACSW.
Rates workplace skills of various Cluster B disorders, with tips and strategies for employers of Borderlines.
Dangerous directives? Liability and the unstable worker
by Michael T. Zugelder, 1999
"How can an employer comply with the EEOC's psychiatric guidelines in an era of workplace violence and negligent hiring litigation? These hiring strategies and practices offer a way." Great article.
Domestic Violence Policy Checklists for the Workplace: A Guide for Employers
by Stephen T. Moskey, Ph.D.
"This new publication helps businesses understand the impact of domestic violence on their employees and to develop or adapt programs and policies to meet the needs of those in the workforce who are abused and victimized by intimate partners."
Battling Employee Sabotage in the Wired Workplace
by Thomas Harvey
This Page Last Updated: April 26, 2005
Helen's World of BPD Resources