Men's Experiences
Borderlands: A Survivor's TaleGripping detailed account of the smear campaign by an ex- wife with BPD
The Thing is, I Still Love Her
by Daniel Hoste
Tears and Healing"Insights On Recovery for Non-BPs in Chosen Relationships"
Inspirational essays, biography, philosophical resources from a man who saw it all in 17 years of marriage to a wife with BPD/alcoholism, and has come through shining. Of particular interest to men who are concerned about divorce/custody issues with a relatively low-functioning Borderline wife.
Another Place:
My Encounter with Mental Illnessby Bill Wiseman
Memoirs, quotes and poetry by a man married to a Borderline wife whom he met while in an alcoholism rehab program. "This web page is for those of you who have suffered the terrible agony of loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder."
The Isolation of Human Experience
By "Doug"
Fabulous article by a man co-parenting with a Borderline ex-wife.
The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study
by Anthony Walker, Sept 2003
"Walker's disturbing memoir follows the relationship between the author (a psychiatrist) and his wife, Michelle, from its tumultuous beginning in 1985 to their ambivalent last good-bye three years later. The subtitle "a case study" attempts to maintain a professional distance from this devastating relationship, but it's all too clear that the illness from which Walker's wife suffered came close to dragging him down with her. Walker is first smitten by Michelle when, as a medical student, he encounters her on rounds, where she is presented as a recent suicide attempt. He can't understand how such a beautiful, sexy young woman would want to kill herself and returns to interview her for a school presentation."
Psycho or Not?
Len M., husband to an NPD/BPD (?) woman in the UK, discusses in detail his experiences with false accusations of domestic violence, parental alienation of the children, and the court process. Links to actual documentation that might be useful for others in similar shoes. The author relates his ex-wife's behaviors to the Hare Checklist of Psychopathy.
It Happened to Me: from Survivor to AdvocateA personal account by the new partner of a man with an ex-wife with BPD. Details of many criminally harassing experiences she underwent. Provides stalking resources and support for those in similar situations.
The Significant Other's Guide to Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)
by Jeff Vineburg
This has got to be one of the more compelling accounts I've read. Much of it applies to SOs of BPs, too.
You can also join the Significant Others of DIDs email support group. To join, email the moderator at: snuffy
AN ENQUIRY INTO THE ADULT MALE EXPERIENCE OF HETEROSEXUAL ABUSELewis, A. (2000), University of Western Sydney. Unpublished M.A. Thesis; fascinating interview details with male targets of female abuse, conclusions and a thesis on the structure of masculinity in this context.
"My interest in this subject arose from my experience over the past twenty years in treating male patients with muscular problems. As I saw the pain in their faces and felt the tension in their bodies, some of these men began to tell me of the women in their lives who were treating them in ways which seemed to be negating of their sense of self and destructive of their ability to function.
In my research of the literature in this field I discovered that whereas studies of male victims investigate mainly physical abuse, those relating to the abuse of women cover physical, sexual and psychological abuse. I felt therefore that it would be appropriat to carry out a similar wide-ranging enquiry with regard to men."
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued Aboutby M. Millington
Who says that living with someone with BPD traits doesn't have its highly amusing sides? One man's example of approaching the task with love and humor. ~Recommended for a good laugh!
"Margret thinks I'm vain because... I use a mirror when I shave. During this argument in the bathroom - our fourth most popular location for arguments, it will delight and charm you to learn - Margret proved that shaving with a mirror could only be seen as outrageous narcissism by saying "None of the other men I've been with" (my, but it's all I can do to stop myself hugging her when she begins sentences like that) "None of the other men I've been with used a mirror to shave." "Ha! Difficult to check up on that, isn't it? As all the other men you've been with can now only communicate by blinking their eyes!" I said. Much later. When Margret had left the house."
I Never Chased Him With a Knife Unless It Was Called For! and Other Stories : Help for Men in Destructive Relationships
By Jeff Gibbs. Collection of biographical essays by formerly abused men.
Women's Experiences
My Trip to Oz and Back: A
True "Retrospective" Story Of My Relationship With A Person
With BPDFabulous letter written by a non-Borderline to her BP lover at the close of their relationship: long, but you just can't put it down. Very helpful to see how someone has worked through their decision to leave an abusive relationship with an untreated Borderline.
Recognizing
Emotional ManipulationFabulous, detailed write-up of one woman's experience with an abusive Borderline husband.
Why Don't These
Women Just Leave?Excellent autobiographical article by Elaine Weiss
The Invisible Parent
By Lu Vickers
Fabulous article by a lesbian parent co-parenting with a Borderline ex-girlfriend.
Nicole Brown Simpson's Letter to Her Husband, O.J.
Why Doesn't She Leave?
by Ann Jones
Family/Co-Workers/Other
BPD411A fabulous 'resources' index with dozens of essays written from the perspective of NonBP experiences: great place to begin reading for validation and explanation of the key components of BPD behaviors and their effects on loved ones.
It Happened to Me: from Survivor to Advocate
A personal account by the new partner of a man with an ex-wife with BPD. Details of many criminally harassing experiences. Provides stalking resources and support for those in similar situations.
Sickened: The Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood
by Julie Gregory
Growing up with a mother who induced and invented her daughter's "illnesses" in order to elicit attention from health-care professionals. Gripping read!
Is it Love or is it Addiction?Perspectives on working with female Borderline clients and their chaotic love relationships, by Erin Pizzey, founder of the UK Women's Shelter movement.
Wife Killers
Are Not "Normal Guys"by Susanne Smith, whose sister was murdered by her Borderline husband in a rage. Read the entire article and be honest with yourself if there are any similarities between what Susanne describes seeing in her sister's relationship, and your own. Provides a good heads-up for those who believe their loved ones don't 'see' what is happening inside their abusive intimate relationship.
In Loving
Memory of my Little Sisterby Abgela Castaldo
Another sister's write-up of her sister's marriage and murder by a Borderline/APD husband.
Growing Up with Mentally Ill Siblings
Interview with Clea Simon, author of Mad House: Growing up in the Company of Mentally Ill Siblings
Is Your Kid as Challenging as Mine? Problems of Mental Illness and Addiction
Essay on raising a Borderline son, by Peter Bloch.
Peter is a big supporter of Tough Love International and offers tips and links for successful parenting of BPs.
ARREST MY KID: arrest may be only means for parents to get proper mental health care for their children
by Anne-Marie Cusac, July 2001
Great analysis of the conundrums of medical insurance & managed health care in the USA.
Outmaneuvering the Spammers, Swindlers and Stalkers Who Are Targeting You Online
By J.A. Hitchcock, herself a victim of cyberstalking by a personality-disordered man, 2002
Australian BPD Experiences
An upcoming volume edited by a Non-Borderline man who runs the only Australian BPD support site. Send an email to Michael for more details on contributing your experiences.
This Page Last Updated: August 30, 2004
Helen's World of BPD Resources